Kellyanne’s Sweet Solution to Opioid Epidemic: “Just Eat Candy, Stupid.”

Wonka-Conway

When asked about the growing opioid epidemic, Special Counsel to the President Kellyanne Conway matter-of-factly stated that individuals suffering from crippling heroin and prescription pill addiction should just eat candy instead.

She went on to say that instead of hitting up their dealer when they felt like using, addicts should stay just home and play Candy Land. Sources say she said, “It worked great for me that time I was addicted to plastic surgery.”

In addition to the fact that the statement is stupid, sources say that she has been lobbied by the Willy Wonka candy company to push their agenda. At press time, Mrs. Conway could be seen scratching her arms feverishly while repeatedly inquiring if White House staff were “holding” a Snickers bar.

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