BREAKING: Mitch McConnell Agrees to Back Hemp Legalization to Avoid Cocaine Scandal

McConnell Scarface

Reports of a backdoor deal involving “Turtle Man” Mitch McConnell suggest the Senate Majority Leader is pushing hemp legalization in exchange for being cleared of pending cocaine charges.

In 2014, during a routine search before departing from Colombia, McConnell’s wife Elaine Cao’s boat was found with 90 pounds of pure, uncut cocaine stashed onboard. Speculation has been made for decades on the source of “Turtle Man’s” hefty campaign contributions. The Cao family is McConnell’s primary political beneficiary.

In a statement to reporters with McConnell looking on,  Cao said “We are relieved to finally be open about our past roles as ‘cocaine cowboys’. We made some great friends along the way. A big thanks to Pablo Escobar and El Chapo. We will be forever grateful.”

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